Question: You have Will Sasso as your lead in a sword and sandal parody (such as “Gladiator,” “Troy,” and “300”). Do you:
A) Make sure his wardrobe would be like the Spartans’? (You know, revealing Will Sasso’s ever-so-sexy body.)
B) Make sure we get to see some full shirtless scenes? (There’s always a sex scene in a sword and sandal film after all.)
C) Just show him partly shirtless. (In the bear/chub world, that’s hardly being shirtless at all!)
Yup, you guessed correctly. It’s “C.” Will Sasso barely showed any skin in the film, National Lampoon’s The Legend Of Awesomest Maximus. But, hey, I did not care at all because I was watching a film where Will Sasso was the freaking LEAD! The movie was ridiculously stupid, lowbrow, and very offensive. But, maybe it was because of Will Sasso, but I watched the darn thing about 4 times now and I’ll probably buy it on Blu-Ray too! Also, I actually found myself laughing with the film and not at it! What’s happening to my brain?
Anyway, would I have watched this if someone else who’s not as deliciously sexy as Will Sasso played Awesomest Maximus?… Let me think for a sec– HELL NO!
So here are pretty much all of the scenes where Mr. Will Sasso teased us with some skin.
I know, I know. This won’t cut it for some of you. 😛
So here’s a treat. I’m an avid
stalker visitor of Will Sasso’s blog @ HamFatter.com and there’s a cool entry there that pretty much reads like porn: Dog vs Bear. Here is a snippet of such erotic fan-fiction…
Okay, Sasso walks at 6’3, 290lbs. His fighting weight is 260 maaaybe 250 but I don’t think so. The next time you’re with him I want you to make a careful study of his CALVES. Please understand their mass, vascularity and most importantly their positioning on the actual bone. Forget the perfect heart shape and the index finger sized arterial vein that branches and feeds the pulsing beast. Rather, look how high they sit. These are what we call “High Insertion Calves” in the bodybuilding world. Now why is this significant? Well, high insertion calves are almost always a very good indication of an abundance of fast twitch (red twitch) muscle fiber. Believe it or not, Will is mostly fast twitch. He’s made up of the kind of muscle one uses for explosive and powerful movements (see his high school football reputation and scouting history). You’ll rarely find a big man who can move as quickly or jump as high. Watch him dance around on his toes sometime. He makes you look like you’re underwater. The first thing a trainer would do with you, Chad, is work to get the lead out of them feet. You tend to plod. I know much of this may have to do with a general malaise but you’re still mostly made up of slower twitch fiber. You may have more endurance than the bald idiot and that’s a good thing.
I think I just fainted… Santa Maria! 🙂
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