The Many Woofy Faces Of Australian Weightlifter, Damon Kelly

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BOOM! POW! BOOM! That’s pretty much the only way I could verbalize my instant thoughts when I first saw this Australian weightlifter.  His name is Damon Kelly and when I quickly did some thorough research (lol), I noticed that for a weightlifter, he’s quite stylish, to the point that I might even call him a “hipster” (or “bipster” for “bear hipster”).  Let me lay out the evidence, and you be the judge… [KEEP ON WOOFIN’!]

The Case Against The Increased Exposure Of Armpits In The NFL

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The NFL is currently in a sticky bind trying to create a balanced and fair “harsh penalty” for players who would flagrantly hit and intentionally harm other players [ESPN].  I have been following this news and it basically resembles any workplace where management has no clue whatsoever what their employees would go through in their respective jobs.  A frustrated defensive player who is being forced to make a split-second decision about the safety of his opponent is no different from any corporate America employee being told by management what to do when they haven’t even experienced their employees’ jobs firsthand at all.

In short, a sure-fire way to have a disgruntled employee is to make his or her job difficult.  That’s pretty much the case with any human interactions, whether it be in sports, work, school, and, well, anything else.

However interesting that may be (lol), I am far more concerned with a much sinister and heinous argument that just might bring the NFL to even lower depths: people complaining about the increased exposure of armpits on the football field!

Stephen Peterman

Paul Lukas has a hilarious commentary in his “Uni Watch” segment in ESPN.com called “Simply stated, these jerseys are the pits”:

Of course, being an Armpit Aficionado I am completely against his rally cry against the increased exposure of armpits in the NFL.  To combat this, I will selectively choose some of Mr. Lukas’ points so that I could easily contradict him.

Let us begin our battle of “pits,” shall we?

But some players have been pushing the sleeveless style past the limits of visual propriety. For years, the poster child for this look has been Chris Hovan, who’s basically had his jersey tailored like a tank top, revealing more of his body than Uni Watch (or, most likely, anyone) wants to see.

Au contraire, Pepe Le Pew.  The NFL is stacked to the brim with magnificent and imposing behemoths whose muscular and stocky builds are completely encumbered by needless jerseys, shoulder pads, and helmets.  These men are our living mythical giants who, on any given Sunday, push their strengths and endurance to the limits for our entertainment.  They are the wonders of our modern age, gladiators of a brutal sport, and the glue that binds people together as well as a polarizer of cities & communities.  That being said, it would be totally awesome if football players were just shirtless.  So, yes, there are people out there who actually respect and admire the human form.  If a football player like Chris Hovan tailors his jersey like a tanktop, then that’s just a bonus for us fans and non-fans alike.  Yes, there are people out there who appreciate Hovan’s armpits.  As much as you probably enjoy watching the Lingerie Football League.

3. Ixnay on the exflay. Tired of the recent trend of players flexing like bodybuilders? That’s yet another byproduct of the faux sleeves. Wouldn’t be happening if the players’ upper arms were covered.

Seriously?  Your number 3 reason for banning exposed armpits is because it would cause more football players to flex their muscles?  And let’s just say that it’s true that all men in the world who wear sleeveless shirts severely suffer from Acute-Muscle-Flexing-Syndrome-Because-I’m-Wearing-A-Wifebeater, then what exactly is wrong with that?  Men, especially men of the bigger variety, have the right to be proud of their bodies and strength.  Of course there is a time and place to do so, in regards to sportsmanship versus showmanship, but please don’t blame the sleeveless jersey for causing men’s inherent desire to display their Alpha Maleness.

Okay.  Now that I have conveniently avoided responding to Mr. Lukas’ finer & compelling points, let me pleasantly end my needless rant with a cavalcade of photos of Chris Hovan’s magnificent and spectacular armpits…

And to end on a finer rose-scented note, here is the Hovan family…  Wow.  I just love this image.

Russell Hantz: The Tale Of Two Russells

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Some of my buddies would tell me that Survivor is “scripted”; and whether this is true or not, Episode 6 packed an emotional punch.

This episode was very Dickensian in scope where we get a parallel between the two “Muscle Russells” (I’ve been meaning to say that, so there).  Both Russells pushed their bodies to the limit while their teammates relaxed and hid away from the rain.  But, in the end, Russell Swan’s body gave up on him.  It’s pretty chilling foreshadowing when Russell Hantz said:

Don’t stop until you throw up, you pass out, something.  If you don’t throw up after every fricking challenge, you didn’t do your job.  That’s how I think of it.

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It was definitely a big scare to see Russell Swan go down that way.  But in relation to the game, it was a big hit for Galu but a bigger break for Foa Foa.  During the Tribal Council, our two opposing tribe members with their own hidden immunity idols (Russell and Erik) butted head-to-head and somewhat marked their territory.  Erik has always been Russell Swan’s “yes man,” and with his high confidence for having an immunity idol, he decided to stand in the limelight and challenge what Russell Hantz said about his tribe getting a moral victory (from their challenge earlier for which they were winning in).  Ah, Erik, bad, bad move…  (Erik actually irritates me a little bit and it must be because of his non-stop flailing hand gestures.)

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"Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony"

Let me end with these images which prove precisely why Russell Hantz has the perfectly sculpted physique of a herculean god…

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Finally, let me actually end with these erotically-charged screenshots.  Thank you very much, CBS!  Thank you…

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Russell Hantz: The Thin Ice

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I apologize for the lateness of my Russell Hantz posts.  (My computer was down, but it’s now back up and running Windows 7 — which is actually a pretty good operating system, so far.)  Anyway, better late than never.  Let’s start off with Episode 5…

Just in case you’ve missed it: the grey boxer briefs has returned!  Hooray!

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In this episode, Russell was portrayed in a much more “slimier” light (if that’s even possible).  It’s pretty amazing that Liz was the only one who even suspected Russell for having the hidden immunity idol.  Perhaps it’s buried within the show’s editing floor, but Liz’s suspicion did not require genius detective skills since Russell was underneath that tree right in front of them from the previous episodes!  Anyway, Russell got in to his defensive mode by threatening Liz.  Being a male chauvinist gay guy, I felt a chill up my spine seeing a large male threaten this fragile lady.  It was just not right.  I think Russell just exposed himself by getting too angry and defensive.  I felt also ashamed as he scurried off like a girl while he watched Jaison walk towards them.  I must say that it wasn’t Russell’s finest moment.

Here are some screenshots of Russell telling Liz that she’s walking on thin ice.  Strap on some comfortable ice skating shoes, Liz…

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When Ashley was voted off, my heart was shattered.  She was genuinely one of the nicest person in the game.  The betrayal of her friend, Natalie, really got to me for some reason.  The scene where Natalie was comforting Ashley for losing the reward challenge for them was heartbreaking and made me realize that Natalie is a (passive) force to be reckon with.  And during the Tribal Council, you can tell that Ashley felt that she at least had Natalie and Russell on her side.  And by being voted off unanimously, I can’t imagine what she felt at that moment.

And as far as Shambo is concerned: man, she just has no concept as to what this game is about.  She is the complete antithesis of Russell which is probably why I want them to go to the Final Two.  Good job, Shambo.  Let’s go and share the clue to everyone… from the other tribe!  Yes you share a kinship with them, but, man, that’s either the smartest or dumbest move.  The more I think about it, it’s probably the smartest move she has ever inadvertently done so far.

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[Unknown] Bartender From “Bored To Death”

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Bored To Death has quickly become one of my favorite TV series.  Not only is the woofy Zach Galafianakis in it, the show is smartly-written and perfectly cast with Jason Schwartzman as the lead.

But on today’s post, I just want to point out a handsome actor who played a bartender in Season 1, Episode 5 (The Case Of The Lonely White Dove).  Unfortunately, IMDb nor the end credits shed any light on this mysterious stranger’s true identity…

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Russell Hantz: The Natalie Alliance

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Yes!  Russell Hantz‘s tribe, Foa Foa, finally got an immunity win.  I can’t believe that I’m getting way too hooked in to this show…

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When I talked about Jaison’s “whiny bitching” from last week’s episode, I was not belittling his emotion over the “racially insensitive comments” (debatable, in my opinion).  The fact is, Jaison was more affected by it than Yasmin even though that “insult” was directed at her.  If it really bothered him, he should have been the “white knight in shining armor” (oops, am I being racist?) and interrupted the argument between Ben and Yasmin.  Instead, he hid in the shadows, internalized the “insult” and made it as a personal affront towards him.

As Tallahassee would say in one of my favorite films of this year: “Nut up or shut up.”

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As you’ll hear from the first part of this video, Russell says this: “Jaison was really upset with Ben.  He took things very personal.  I really think that if Ben would have stayed, Jaison would have quit the game.  Now, what kind of man is that?”

I am in complete agreement with Russell.  Speaking of Zombieland, I’d probably be one of the faithful acolytes to blindly follow someone like Russell in a post-apocalyptic landscape.  Archetypes like Russell are the ones who will truly help you out in any kind of apocalypse — just as long as you don’t cross them…  Being led by a Jaison will lead to something like this:

ME: Jaison, look at that zombie trash!

JAISON: You are so ignorant.  You have no concept of their past history and how they have been portrayed as evil by the whole living human race!  Why do you purposely have to say spiteful and hateful words?

Russell, on the other hand, would just kick the living crap out of the zombies.  But maybe that’s just me romanticizing this sneaky SOB.  😉

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Anyway, I’m possibly overanalyzing Russell, but his usage of the word “hope” is very calculated.  As in, Barack Obama-calculated.  Devious, Russell.  Devious.

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So Russell’s on to his next strategy: dump his allegiance with Jaison and forge a new one with one of his “dumb ass girls,” Natalie.  Russell is definitely crude and insensitive with his comments, but are people forgetting that this game is called “Survivor”?  Hell, if you placed Satan and Jesus on the island, guess who’ll win?  Well, Jesus will probably win considering he has unlimited immunity since he cannot die at all.  Come to think of it, who’s the sneakiest of the two then?  -_^

Anyway, so what’s great about the scene between Natalie and Russell?  Ah, pictures speak louder than words…

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Hey! Am I simply just a piece of thick, luscious piece of delicious Grade-A beef to you?

No, sir, Mr. Hantz, sir.  You are also beyond handsome with that pretty face, devilish smile, and mesmerizing eyes…

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Anyway, not Russell-related, but I gotta comment on my other favorite, Shambo…

Damn, Sham!  You were beyond horrible this time around.  You mean well, yet things just don’t seem to go your way.  And, really, I’ve lost some love for you the way you handled the two chickens…

Shambo Choking The Chickens

My love actually got transferred to Natalie now as at least she knew how to humanely carry an animal.  I then started laughing at your comments of chickens requiring fresh water and at your hilarious “chicken-talk” to calm them down.  Seriously, I’m surprised they even survived your mishandling of them.  And it wasn’t even a surprise that one of the chickens flew away.  The funnier part is that the chicken who flew away was the chicken whose poor wings you manhandled…  But despite of that, I still want to see more of you, Shambo.  Just be kinder to the animals, m’kay?

Shambo and Natalie with chickens

And, by the way, I’m starting to develop some interest in the other Russell…

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And, wow, I’m surprised that the other Russell actually voted for his princess, Yasmine.  Didn’t see that one coming…

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Russell Hantz: “The Russell Seed”

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A little bit busy today so I don’t have any Russell Hantz screenshots from last night’s episode of Survivor: Samoa.  But here is practically all of his delicious scenes from last night…  (It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t have his gray boxer briefs anymore.)

Alright, alright, here's a rear shot from last week's episode... ;)

Alright, alright, here's a rear shot from last week's episode... 😉

To those who have been watching the show, I would  like to have a discussion with the decision to vote Ben out instead of Ashley…

My opinion?  Ben was the right person to be voted out; however, he was voted out for the wrong reason.  He was voted out simply because of the “ghetto trash” comment he made at Yasmin from the second episode.  Ben is definitely a jerk of all spades, but he was verbally abused by Yasmin who was aggressive and rude from the get-go.  She had it coming, Ben got defensive and blurted out a term to hurt her, then the “race card” was used by Jaison to ridiculous levels.

Russell was pretty much overpowered by Jaison as it’s very dangerous waters to tread on a sensitive issue.  I personally found it a bit humorous to get all bent out of shape to bring up racism and discrimination in a “survival of the fittest/wiliest/etc”-type of game then play up the sympathy card for someone using the term “ghetto trash.”

How about you win the game now simply because you are a minority?

Though “ghetto trash” might not be the best of thing to say, I’m sure if Yasmin called him “white trash,” there won’t be any backlash against her.  I’m just getting sick and tired of the hypocrisy that we live through every day.  One racism or any “ism” is better over the other simply because of their “history” (a comment that Jaison made boldly known at Tribal Council).

Anyway, I’m a bit peeved off because Russell’s plan was overpowered by Jaison’s “whiny bitching” (yes, I went there).  Nevertheless, the show’s getting a lot more interesting with this turn of events.  I just hope Russell makes it all the way… with Shambo, of course…

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Goonday Moonday: Stephen Peterman

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Stephen Peterman

Now if there is a face that makes you want to describe as a “bullgoon,” then my dear friends that above photo of Stephen Peterman is a perfect example.  I finally got to know who he was; I once posted his “unknown” photo here: Sometimes, You Just Wanna Say “Awwww”…  But as a refresher, here is that unknown favorite photo again…

LSU Tigers @ the 2004 Sugar Bowl.

Speaking of LSU Tigers, chubby wonder twins John Goodman and Paul Rae are huge fans.

Stephen Peterman collage

Stephen Peterman was then drafted by the Dallas Cowboys but he is currently playing for the Detroit Lions.  Speaking of which, Detroit just got their first win yesterday, ending their 19-game losing streak (they haven’t won since December 23, 2007).

DETROIT - DECEMBER 09: Stephen Peterman #66 of the Detroit Lions runs into the arena against the Dallas Cowboys on December 9, 2007 at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan.  (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

DETROIT - DECEMBER 09: Stephen Peterman #66 of the Detroit Lions runs into the arena against the Dallas Cowboys on December 9, 2007 at Ford Field in Detroit, Michigan. (Photo by Chris McGrath/Getty Images)

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Lions Camp Football

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This was the photo that assisted me in googling his name...

This was the photo that assisted me in googling his name. Thanks, coach...

Russell Hantz: The Jaison Partnership

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If you haven’t seen the second episode of Survivor: Samoa, then I need to warn you that you will be entering spoilers territory…

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Russell Hantz stole the show again.  He’s this odd mixture of being simultaneously endearing and despicable while being wrapped up in a deliciously huscular goonish build.  Anyway, looks like he got his way again and it’s really hard to hate a guy who was so persistent in finding a hidden immunity idol that when he actually found it, you can’t help but cheer for him (even if you do hate this guy with a passion).  I was literally grinning from ear to ear when he found it right in front of everyone.

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So here’s a clip of that moment, as well as the start of his personal alliance with Jaison.  This could be the beginning of Russell’s undoing as Jaison doesn’t appear to be naive as he appears to be…

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I am a big fan of Russell's magnificent underwear...

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Even with a missing tooth, he's scorching hot...

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Russell Hantz: The Puppet Master Of “Survivor: Samoa”

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Russell Hantz Survivor Samoa

The only time I would watch Survivor is if there’s a bearish guy in the cast (such as Rupert Boneham, Judd Sergeant, Tom Buchanan, and Billy Garcia).  Thanks to Brunobear, I was informed that a brutish bull was in the show.  Ever the skeptic, I then investigated the CBS.com link Brunobear shared with me.  Needless to say, I was instantly convinced and immediately fell in love with this short and thick musclebear, Russell Hantz.  He totally reminds me of a smaller version of pro-wrestler, Bulldog Raines, and especially Gerard Benderoth, which is a bonus in my book.

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So I watched the first episode and, by golly, he’s a slimy, conniving, dirty rotten scoundrel.  In other words, I freaking love him!  CBS touted him as the “biggest villain in Survivor history” and they were not kidding.  He stole this season’s opener with his treacherous tactics, misogynistic and un-PC comments, and his unbelievably spectacular beefy body.  Best part?  He’s shirtless in most of his scenes, wearing only his sweat-stained and dirty loose boxer briefs.  It’s also crazy to know that this man is a 36 year-old multi-millionaire and that he’s only in the game to prove just how easy it is to win it.  What a freaking character!  I hope that this evil bullgoon goes all the way to the end.  (Though I must add that I somewhat want to see Shambo — the lady with the “3-pound mullet” — reach the end as well.)

Here’s a short clip as to how diabolical and dastardly this stunning musclegoon can get…

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