BOOM! POW! BOOM! That’s pretty much the only way I could verbalize my instant thoughts when I first saw this Australian weightlifter. His name is Damon Kelly and when I quickly did some thorough research (lol), I noticed that for a weightlifter, he’s quite stylish, to the point that I might even call him a “hipster” (or “bipster” for “bear hipster”). Let me lay out the evidence, and you be the judge… [KEEP ON WOOFIN’!]
Some of my buddies would tell me that Survivor is “scripted”; and whether this is true or not, Episode 6 packed an emotional punch.
This episode was very Dickensian in scope where we get a parallel between the two “Muscle Russells” (I’ve been meaning to say that, so there). Both Russells pushed their bodies to the limit while their teammates relaxed and hid away from the rain. But, in the end, Russell Swan’s body gave up on him. It’s pretty chilling foreshadowing when Russell Hantz said:
Don’t stop until you throw up, you pass out, something. If you don’t throw up after every fricking challenge, you didn’t do your job. That’s how I think of it.
It was definitely a big scare to see Russell Swan go down that way. But in relation to the game, it was a big hit for Galu but a bigger break for Foa Foa. During the Tribal Council, our two opposing tribe members with their own hidden immunity idols (Russell and Erik) butted head-to-head and somewhat marked their territory. Erik has always been Russell Swan’s “yes man,” and with his high confidence for having an immunity idol, he decided to stand in the limelight and challenge what Russell Hantz said about his tribe getting a moral victory (from their challenge earlier for which they were winning in). Ah, Erik, bad, bad move… (Erik actually irritates me a little bit and it must be because of his non-stop flailing hand gestures.)
Let me end with these images which prove precisely why Russell Hantz has the perfectly sculpted physique of a herculean god…
Finally, let me actually end with these erotically-charged screenshots. Thank you very much, CBS! Thank you…
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I apologize for the lateness of my Russell Hantz posts. (My computer was down, but it’s now back up and running Windows 7 — which is actually a pretty good operating system, so far.) Anyway, better late than never. Let’s start off with Episode 5…
Just in case you’ve missed it: the grey boxer briefs has returned! Hooray!
In this episode, Russell was portrayed in a much more “slimier” light (if that’s even possible). It’s pretty amazing that Liz was the only one who even suspected Russell for having the hidden immunity idol. Perhaps it’s buried within the show’s editing floor, but Liz’s suspicion did not require genius detective skills since Russell was underneath that tree right in front of them from the previous episodes! Anyway, Russell got in to his defensive mode by threatening Liz. Being a male chauvinist gay guy, I felt a chill up my spine seeing a large male threaten this fragile lady. It was just not right. I think Russell just exposed himself by getting too angry and defensive. I felt also ashamed as he scurried off like a girl while he watched Jaison walk towards them. I must say that it wasn’t Russell’s finest moment.
Here are some screenshots of Russell telling Liz that she’s walking on thin ice. Strap on some comfortable ice skating shoes, Liz…
When Ashley was voted off, my heart was shattered. She was genuinely one of the nicest person in the game. The betrayal of her friend, Natalie, really got to me for some reason. The scene where Natalie was comforting Ashley for losing the reward challenge for them was heartbreaking and made me realize that Natalie is a (passive) force to be reckon with. And during the Tribal Council, you can tell that Ashley felt that she at least had Natalie and Russell on her side. And by being voted off unanimously, I can’t imagine what she felt at that moment.
And as far as Shambo is concerned: man, she just has no concept as to what this game is about. She is the complete antithesis of Russell which is probably why I want them to go to the Final Two. Good job, Shambo. Let’s go and share the clue to everyone… from the other tribe! Yes you share a kinship with them, but, man, that’s either the smartest or dumbest move. The more I think about it, it’s probably the smartest move she has ever inadvertently done so far.
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Yes! Russell Hantz‘s tribe, Foa Foa, finally got an immunity win. I can’t believe that I’m getting way too hooked in to this show…
When I talked about Jaison’s “whiny bitching” from last week’s episode, I was not belittling his emotion over the “racially insensitive comments” (debatable, in my opinion). The fact is, Jaison was more affected by it than Yasmin even though that “insult” was directed at her. If it really bothered him, he should have been the “white knight in shining armor” (oops, am I being racist?) and interrupted the argument between Ben and Yasmin. Instead, he hid in the shadows, internalized the “insult” and made it as a personal affront towards him.
As Tallahassee would say in one of my favorite films of this year: “Nut up or shut up.”
As you’ll hear from the first part of this video, Russell says this: “Jaison was really upset with Ben. He took things very personal. I really think that if Ben would have stayed, Jaison would have quit the game. Now, what kind of man is that?”
I am in complete agreement with Russell. Speaking of Zombieland, I’d probably be one of the faithful acolytes to blindly follow someone like Russell in a post-apocalyptic landscape. Archetypes like Russell are the ones who will truly help you out in any kind of apocalypse — just as long as you don’t cross them… Being led by a Jaison will lead to something like this:
ME: Jaison, look at that zombie trash!
JAISON: You are so ignorant. You have no concept of their past history and how they have been portrayed as evil by the whole living human race! Why do you purposely have to say spiteful and hateful words?
Russell, on the other hand, would just kick the living crap out of the zombies. But maybe that’s just me romanticizing this sneaky SOB. 😉
Anyway, I’m possibly overanalyzing Russell, but his usage of the word “hope” is very calculated. As in, Barack Obama-calculated. Devious, Russell. Devious.
So Russell’s on to his next strategy: dump his allegiance with Jaison and forge a new one with one of his “dumb ass girls,” Natalie. Russell is definitely crude and insensitive with his comments, but are people forgetting that this game is called “Survivor”? Hell, if you placed Satan and Jesus on the island, guess who’ll win? Well, Jesus will probably win considering he has unlimited immunity since he cannot die at all. Come to think of it, who’s the sneakiest of the two then? -_^
Anyway, so what’s great about the scene between Natalie and Russell? Ah, pictures speak louder than words…
No, sir, Mr. Hantz, sir. You are also beyond handsome with that pretty face, devilish smile, and mesmerizing eyes…
Anyway, not Russell-related, but I gotta comment on my other favorite, Shambo…
Damn, Sham! You were beyond horrible this time around. You mean well, yet things just don’t seem to go your way. And, really, I’ve lost some love for you the way you handled the two chickens…
My love actually got transferred to Natalie now as at least she knew how to humanely carry an animal. I then started laughing at your comments of chickens requiring fresh water and at your hilarious “chicken-talk” to calm them down. Seriously, I’m surprised they even survived your mishandling of them. And it wasn’t even a surprise that one of the chickens flew away. The funnier part is that the chicken who flew away was the chicken whose poor wings you manhandled… But despite of that, I still want to see more of you, Shambo. Just be kinder to the animals, m’kay?
And, by the way, I’m starting to develop some interest in the other Russell…
And, wow, I’m surprised that the other Russell actually voted for his princess, Yasmine. Didn’t see that one coming…
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A little bit busy today so I don’t have any Russell Hantz screenshots from last night’s episode of Survivor: Samoa. But here is practically all of his delicious scenes from last night… (It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t have his gray boxer briefs anymore.)
To those who have been watching the show, I would like to have a discussion with the decision to vote Ben out instead of Ashley…
My opinion? Ben was the right person to be voted out; however, he was voted out for the wrong reason. He was voted out simply because of the “ghetto trash” comment he made at Yasmin from the second episode. Ben is definitely a jerk of all spades, but he was verbally abused by Yasmin who was aggressive and rude from the get-go. She had it coming, Ben got defensive and blurted out a term to hurt her, then the “race card” was used by Jaison to ridiculous levels.
Russell was pretty much overpowered by Jaison as it’s very dangerous waters to tread on a sensitive issue. I personally found it a bit humorous to get all bent out of shape to bring up racism and discrimination in a “survival of the fittest/wiliest/etc”-type of game then play up the sympathy card for someone using the term “ghetto trash.”
How about you win the game now simply because you are a minority?
Though “ghetto trash” might not be the best of thing to say, I’m sure if Yasmin called him “white trash,” there won’t be any backlash against her. I’m just getting sick and tired of the hypocrisy that we live through every day. One racism or any “ism” is better over the other simply because of their “history” (a comment that Jaison made boldly known at Tribal Council).
Anyway, I’m a bit peeved off because Russell’s plan was overpowered by Jaison’s “whiny bitching” (yes, I went there). Nevertheless, the show’s getting a lot more interesting with this turn of events. I just hope Russell makes it all the way… with Shambo, of course…
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If you haven’t seen the second episode of Survivor: Samoa, then I need to warn you that you will be entering spoilers territory…
Russell Hantz stole the show again. He’s this odd mixture of being simultaneously endearing and despicable while being wrapped up in a deliciously huscular goonish build. Anyway, looks like he got his way again and it’s really hard to hate a guy who was so persistent in finding a hidden immunity idol that when he actually found it, you can’t help but cheer for him (even if you do hate this guy with a passion). I was literally grinning from ear to ear when he found it right in front of everyone.
So here’s a clip of that moment, as well as the start of his personal alliance with Jaison. This could be the beginning of Russell’s undoing as Jaison doesn’t appear to be naive as he appears to be…
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The only time I would watch Survivor is if there’s a bearish guy in the cast (such as Rupert Boneham, Judd Sergeant, Tom Buchanan, and Billy Garcia). Thanks to Brunobear, I was informed that a brutish bull was in the show. Ever the skeptic, I then investigated the CBS.com link Brunobear shared with me. Needless to say, I was instantly convinced and immediately fell in love with this short and thick musclebear, Russell Hantz. He totally reminds me of a smaller version of pro-wrestler, Bulldog Raines, and especially Gerard Benderoth, which is a bonus in my book.
So I watched the first episode and, by golly, he’s a slimy, conniving, dirty rotten scoundrel. In other words, I freaking love him! CBS touted him as the “biggest villain in Survivor history” and they were not kidding. He stole this season’s opener with his treacherous tactics, misogynistic and un-PC comments, and his unbelievably spectacular beefy body. Best part? He’s shirtless in most of his scenes, wearing only his sweat-stained and dirty loose boxer briefs. It’s also crazy to know that this man is a 36 year-old multi-millionaire and that he’s only in the game to prove just how easy it is to win it. What a freaking character! I hope that this evil bullgoon goes all the way to the end. (Though I must add that I somewhat want to see Shambo — the lady with the “3-pound mullet” — reach the end as well.)
Here’s a short clip as to how diabolical and dastardly this stunning musclegoon can get…
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He was also kind enough to post a series of screenshots from that short — but (as AP would say) HAWT — video.
And if you guys were members of that Yahoo group, you would have received the direct link to download that video.
You’re not a member, you say?
Ah, well, them’s the perks. -_^
But before I continue, I want you guys to know who AP is. He is the awesome illustrator/artist/connoisseur of big brutes, bears, and bulls. I’ve seen his work from back in the day and watched it blossom as he creates spectacular mythic imagery of such big men. Definitely check out his website as it’s integral Bear Education 101:
And back to the beefy and bulky Tobias Ide. Ah, of course, I googled him like mad and found the following shirtless photos (most of them are from his Official Site). This massive bull would literally pass for a beefier triplet for the Shane Twins.
A few months ago, I posed one of life’s important questions: “What happened to pro-wrestlers like these?” In this case, pro-wrestlers of the bearish and massively goonish mold. I then posted a photo of Bruiser Mastino who was only wearing a very revealing singlet. Ever since then, I kept doing a “monthly google” for this massive musclechub. Well, what do you know? Not only did it lead me to finding a couple of his wrestling matches, it led me to a Bruiser Mastino who only wore something much better than a singlet: wrestling trunks!
However, before we get to the even better goonie good-stuff, here are some photos of the woofy Mr. Hallick as one of my favorites in the old WWF, Mantaur…
And as an important sidenote to this post, Mantaur was not the only big fella in the early and mid-1990’s. My other favorites were Typhoon/Tugboat (Fred Ottman) and PN News/Cannonball Grizzly (Paul Neu). I’ve had many nights where I would fantasize the three of them together as this crew of evil henchmen. Here are some visuals of the other two naughty bears… (Alright, alright, what about Earthquake, Yokozuna, Bastion Booger? They’re there, I just want to keep my number of top goons in threes…)
Typhoon (Fred Ottman)
Cannonball Grizzly (Paul Neu)
Unfortunately (for you and not me), with my BearBeat fetish, they always end up getting beat up and dominated by <enter generic and non-descript fantasy good guy(s)/gal(s) here>. Here’s a close approximation of my BearBeat fantasies (of course, there are no actual usage of dangerous objects in my PG-rated fantasies).
As a treat, a video was just uploaded a few hours ago between Bruiser Mastino and Cannonball Grizzly. According to the YouTuber, they were real life pals…
It’s interesting to note how Cannonball Grizzly started out more chubby then later on transformed into a musclechub, while Bruiser Mastino started out as being more husky (or as a blog reader once mentioned this term, “Huscular”) but have now also turned into a musclechub. And for the sake of this post, both massive men are definitely of the bullgoon make and model.
Finally, here’s the match that you’ve all been waiting for… It’s a squash match between Bruiser Mastino and El Puerto Riqueño from ECW Holiday Hell 1995. My jaws literally dropped when I saw this match. Unfortunately for me, he dominated the little man and it did not do my fetish any favors. But, hey, beggars cannot be choosers as we were all treated to a big goon wrestling around in just those sweet, sweet trunks. So I ask the question again: “What happened to pro-wrestlers like these?”…
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[EDIT: Photos have been deleted as requested by the owner of the photos. Just check out Joe Powell Photography’s SmugMug photo site for the photos.]
I tend to give myself a blog break on Sundays and Mondays. But it looks like I’m gonna be forced to post something on Mondays, as I seemed to have gotten a case of the Moondays — or in this case, Goonday Moondays. (Need a refresher on what a goon is?) Also, I have been lax and inconsiderate in not adding the great Bullneck in my “Bear Blog” links. So this new regular post is dedicated to the expert of all things “bullgoon”…
Also, if you guys have some clever pun that I can use on Sundays, feel free to drop me a line. Though part of me is hoping to high heaven that you don’t encourage me. I’d like to take some break from da bears from time to time… ^_^
So what’s the best way to start Goonday Moonday? How about with some unauthorized usage of Gerard Benderoth photographs “borrowed” from Joe Powell Photography’s SmugMug photo site (Strongman Competition page)? I could just link you guys to Mr. Powell’s photo site, but I just have to have images in every blog post I make. So enjoy and partake in my evil activity before Gerard Benderoth comes crashing down my door then arrests me for such illegal acts… Hmm… On second thought…
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