Casey Hampton: HOLY *Insert Blubbering Sounds* MOLEY!

Dear ESPN Magazine: OMG.  Thank you!

I was pretty harsh on ESPN Magazine’s 2010’s “The Body Issue” when Steven Holcomb’s godly physique was digitally altered.  However, thanks to GE, he pinpointed me to ESPN Magazine’s “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars” which featured a close-up of Casey Hampton’s magnificent belly.  Needless to say, seeing an almost-nude image of Mr. Hampton is an excellent way to win someone like me over — even though this was shot a year before the Holcomb-Gate fiasco.  ^___^

Here is the link to the Flash Gallery of “The Body Issue 2009: Battle Scars”:

http://sports.espn.go.com/espn/flash/zoomGallery?section=gen&photoGalleryId=4539757

I can’t seem to embed this ESPN video, but you can briefly see him in an interview with all of the athletes — including Randy Couture — involved in that photo shoot.

http://espn.go.com/video/clip?id=4536463

Unfortunately, the Pittsburgh Steelers did not win the SuperBowl this year, so we’re gonna miss out on seeing a shirtless Casey Hampton at a SuperBowl Parade…  😦

Shirtless Saturday: Sedrick Ellis (Life Magazine’s Portrait Session)

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Once upon a time, when this blogger used to actually blog on a regular basis, he had put up a “Shirtless Saturday” post about a massive lineman for the New Orleans Saints, Sedrick Ellis.  After a year and a few months later, he found out that LIFE Magazine did a photo shoot of him (unfortunately, their search engine is not too friendly; and a way to get to just 1 of his photo shoot is by going to this url).  And I am begging all of the photo sleuths out there who could direct us to his Portrait Session as it would be greatly appreciated.

Anyway, let us now have the photos do the talking, for I am downright speechless…

He’s not shirtless in this video, but you can just see the majestic wonder of his ungodly physique as his massive bulk attempts to escape the confines of his tight-fitting shirt…

Dear ESPN Magazine: Please Don’t Digitally Alter People’s Bodies In Your 2010’s “The Body Issue” Edition

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A good friend of mine emailed me this photo and it’s quite possibly one of the most amazing things I’ve seen all year.  It’s a semi-nude photo of the Captain of the United States’ bobsledding team, Steven Holcomb.  I am not quite sure where this photo was originally taken from, but when I checked out my ESPN Magazine’s digital edition, I noticed a big “change” that did not sit too well for me…

I am just glad that someone released that original breathtaking photo.  Anyway, I just want to send a short email to ESPN Magazine right here…

Dear ESPN Magazine,

Why would you digitally manipulate someone’s physique in your yearly edition of “The Body Issue”?  Does not that defeat the very purpose of you displaying the naturalness of your athletes’ bodies?

Please do not do this again.  Thank you.

Sincerely,
Will
Secretary Of The League Of The Natural State Of Human Bodies Preservation

Okay, seriously, I’m not going to send that.  There are more pressing issues in the world than getting all riled up about someone’s beautiful belly getting brutally and ruthlessly butchered by way of photoshopping…  Okay, perhaps this is important to me.  😛

Anyway, here were some of my Tumblr contributions in the past about the handsome Steven Holcomb…  (And, no, I have not given up on on this blog.  Just please be patient with me.)

Shirtless Saturday: Larry Csonka

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People Weekly Magazine Larry Csonka

Here’s a vintage image of Larry Csonka (official site) from the July 22, 1974 edition of People Magazine when he played as a fullback with the Miami Dolphins.  Make sure to download the whole magazine issue in PDF format (here’s the direct link)!  It’s pretty nice of People for allowing us to download all of their archived issues.   (And if anybody knows of any cool archived issues of People Magazine where we could find such beautiful bears, please let us know!)  I have yet to go through them as I’m sure there are awesome articles and ads of our brawny and large brethren…

Larry Csonka People Magazine

Larry Csonka People Magazine 2

Larry Csonka People Magazine 4

Larry Csonka

Finally, let’s check out Mr. Csonka adorably speak butchered Spanish as he promotes Miller Lite Bear…

The Hot Chubbies Of “Muscle & Fitness”

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A longtime reader (as in since my old Yahoo Group days), sleepycub, emailed me then proceeded to give me a massive heart attack with this awesome scan from the September 9, 2009 issue of Muscle & Fitness magazine.

Muscle and Fitness chubs

Please, oh, please, disobey every single one of the 50 rules!

Who knew that Muscle & Fitness also has a discerning eye for gorgeous chubby bears?  What a beautiful collection of our big-bellied beauties.  And if there’s one thing I’d like to add…

Please don’t melt the flab from your abs!!!!! 😛

I mean, those guys appear to be comfortable with their bodies and they’re HOT to boot.  But, of course, losing weight is a personal choice and I’m just being a selfish person for wanting them to stay the way they are.  But, in my defense:

JUST.  LOOK.  AT.  THEM!  *faints*

Shirtless Saturday: Jeff Saturday

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“Shirtless Saturday” on a Sunday?  Ah, but this is one of those major exception, because, as you’ll see, it doesn’t need to be a Saturday to post something like this…

Dear friends, one of my wishes has finally come true.  I have finally seen a shirtless Jeff Saturday.  It’s a scan from the Sports Illustrated Super Bowl Championship Commemorative Issue 2007.  My life is finally complete.

Much thanks to j for pointing this out to us in this post.  This magazine cost me 12 bucks plus shipping just so I can scan this for you guys.  🙂

Unfortunately, that’s like his only photo in the whole magazine.  Bummers.  I wonder if any of the Indianapolis Colts DVDs have more revealing exposé on Mr. Saturday?  As always, please let me know and I’ll share the bearish wealth…

Anyway, check out the bearmythology Flickr Photostream for more of my sad attempts at Photoshopping this lone shirtless photo of the woofy Jeff Saturday.  Also, woefully gaze at my epic failure with HDR experimentation.

[Related Posts – Jeff Saturday]

Goonday Moonday: Construction Workers & Assorted Large Men

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dolorminworker

In this edition of Goonday Moonday, all of the media here are from ads of some kind (courtesy of AdsOfTheWorld.com).  I am still amazed to only find a handful of ads showing large men in flattering or the very least, respectful, ways.  For example, the above ad appears to be a very respectable commercial.  But look closely and pay attention to the product that’s being sold…  Caught it?  Good.  Yes, we have another hefty man being used as an “humorous advertising device” (I made this term up).

Am I bitter at this common practice?  Yes and no.  Yes, since as we are all admirers of large men, we have a better grasp and understanding for men of such beautiful sizes.  As such, we prefer to view our objects of affection in a much better light.  And, no, because, in some ways, we feel like we belong in such an exclusive group that the rest of the world won’t ever understand.  When we see such husky and chubby men in the media being ridiculed (whether it be inoffensively or no), we can’t help but grin as we know and feel something that is utterly and uniquely ours.  Laugh all they want, but we get the last laugh as we partake in a celebratory visual feast.

Still, that doesn’t mean that we cannot change the world’s view on large men…

Anyway, here’s a pretty cool commercial about construction workers enjoying some fine afternoon dining with a Wendy’s Gourmet Mushroom Swiss Burger…

http://adsoftheworld.net/videos/croquetwendys.mov

wendys-croquet-construction-01

wendys-croquet-construction-031

wendys-croquet-construction-06

wendys-croquet-construction-09

wendys-croquet-construction-12

wendys-croquet-construction-14

There’s really nothing “negative” about the above commercial.  However, it inadvertently juxtaposes “macho” men with “queer” behavior.  Basically, it sends a message that this ad is and should be funny because rugged men with facial hair should not be eloquent, polite, and, well, “queenie.”  In turn, it also inadvertently compares gay folk with theatre-going (note my spelling of “theater”) English folk.  -_^

From the rugged construction workers, we’ll now take a look at sumo wrestlers — who are, quite possibly, the most-used HAD (my acronym for my made-up term, “humorous advertising device”).

monstersumo

companhiasumo

w670-walkman-phone-sumo

luxaflex-sumo

So why are sumo men funny?  Why is their weight a great punchline for a joke?  And why are they funnier when they’re wearing a tutu or about to celebrate gay love?

With those questions in mind, here’s a Men’s Health magazine ad…

chubby-buddha-bear-mens-health

First of all, BearMythology completely disagrees with the above ad.  That unbelievably gorgeous image of a chubby bear not only has a body of a God, but someone I and many others will definitely worship.  You know that ancient & mystical Sanskrit word of “OHM”?  It was actually our female & gay bear/chub loving ancestors’ term to describe a buddha (not the slimmer Buddha, of course) when they see one walking on the streets.  They would actually say, “Oh Holy Moley!” or “OHM!” (thus it was recorded the very first instance of internet slang).

Now let’s take a look at ads that are just using silhouettes of large men.

radiantgymsleep

radiantgymtwicetheman

Admirers of stocky & large men are typically torn: healthwise, it’s better for such men to be “fit” rather than husky or obese.  Unfortunately, we love them big.  And, more often than not, to us, the bigger the better.

Well, that’s something that I cannot cover on a post that’s just called “Goonday Moonday.”  It’s too complicated.  😛

And to end this post, here are more ads of our beautiful big men…

gordillaz

better-than-beer-chubby-man

paddy-power-bingo

mokarabia-wrestler

matchbox-construction-bear

Okay, I lied.  This is the last thing I’m going to say.  I’m typically very open and forgiving, but I absolutely hate the following ad.  Any ad that equates depression to obesity then sell a gym out of it is downright low and insulting.  The chubby man needs to see mental help and not an aerobics instructor…

olympiaconfidence