Here I go again.
Last time I posted was on April of 2018. It’s getting close to April 2021, so it’s been three years since I was here. During that time, I would randomly post on tumblr. Continue reading BearMythology Version 5.0
I’ve decided to add the “Tag Cloud” on this blog’s sidebar; and as somewhat of an experiment on my part, I wanted to see if some — if not, all — of my favorite tags would become popular. Here are the current results…
Shirtless, Big Bear, Chubby Bear, Musclebear, Armpits, Strongman, Football, mmm, mmm, mmm…
I’m very amazed to learn that those keywords and tags are the most popular and they also happen to be my “choice tags” as well. Whenever I scour the internet for bear-related information, those are the “special” keywords/topics I look for to see if I would investigate a particular website or blog.
The only media personalities that showed up were these four: the talented cute cub, Joey Oglesby, the classic chubby bear John Goodman, the daddy bear Ray Winstone, and the big bear Warren Sapp. I really love the fact how all four are so varied from each other.
And with that, this is a sampling of what most of you guys and gals like the most:
Shirtless big/chubby musclebears
I previously mentioned my love for these washed-out
’70s porn-looking photos; well, here’s a musclechub for ya…
When I pitted John Goodman with Kevin James, I really thought that John Goodman was going to win the poll. To my surprise, Kevin James won the friendly popularity contest by a large margin. The poll also made me realize that my “bear stars” are aging and the bear/chub admirers out there are embracing the “latest and newest flavor.” I don’t mean that as a slam to anybody who had picked Kevin James (nor to the elder fans who just preferred Kevin over John), it’s just a personal generalization from the vibe I got from the poll.
Nevertheless, we all have unique tastes and I should just leave it at that…
Whenever I’m around big guys, I do my best to keep my hands to myself. But whenever an opportunity arises as to when I could “cop a feel,” believe me, my brain will start directing my body complex instructions as to how and when I could achieve “contact” without arousing any “gay alert” suspicions and/or any uncomfortable feelings.
Here’s one of the greatest thespians of all-time, Al Pacino, giving us some instructions on when and how to cop a feel on a big bear (specifically, on a big man who’s not even gay)…
COP-A-BEAR TIP #1: “The Accidental Lost Balance”
When walking through a hallway (the narrower the better) and your big bear’s standing in the way, you can feign losing balance so that you will tip over and land your arm, shoulder, and/or bicep on his chubby belly. You can even then place your opposite hand on his belly so that you could push away yourself away from him.
BONUS: You can then apologize by placing your hand(s) on the big guy. Be careful with your libido’s desire to provide an additional rubdown as it’s definitely pretty gay-ish.
Check out Mr. Pacino’s awesome balancing act. Bravo, sir, bravo!
COP-A-BEAR TIP #2: “The Manly Shove”
Thankfully, big guys are just that: big. They tend to block hallways and doorways. Because of that, it’s a perfect opportunity to cop a feel while not being gay about it.
Here’s how it works: When you see your big guy blocking a doorway, pat your pocket pants as though you’re looking for something. Here’s a bonus script:
YOU: What the hell. I freakin’ forgot my cell phone.
HIM: (just standing there, blocking the doorway, and looking HOT!)
YOU: (start to walk towards him and casually use the back of your hand to gently push him away — but not too gently, or he’ll think you’re gay)
Here’s Mr. Pacino for the visual aid…
COP-A-BEAR TIP #3: “The Don’t-Touch-Me Deception”
Most men tend to not be touchy-feely. Typically, they will act as though they will make physical contact with you, but normally they won’t. And if they do achieve such physical contact, they would “override” the manly affection by transforming the touch/hold into a “patting motion.” (Note that when a man hugs another man, they would vigorously pat each other.)
So this tip comes in two variations:
PREREQUISITE: You need to be in an “emo” mood. For example: getting cheated on by an imaginary girlfriend (he doesn’t know she’s imaginary, of course).
(1) The big man “pats” you – Don’t act too excited and just enjoy the moment. Relish the fact that you can capture this wondrous event on your Twitter account later. Anyway, after “the pat,” you nonchalantly “push” him away on his belly. That act says, “Hey buddy, I appreciate ‘the pat,’ but it’s all good.”
(2) The big man acts as though he might “pat” you – This is trickier because your gay instincts would be wishing that he does pat you. But, as mentioned, men don’t like too much physical contact with other men. So, by “pushing” him away on his belly, you’re actually doing him a favor because he doesn’t have to “get gay” on you.
Here’s Mr. Pacino again with “The Don’t-Touch-Me Deception” play…
COP-A-BEAR TIP #4: “The Buddy Touch”
This final tip is the easiest because it involves a big man in an emo-state. When a man is down, flustered, and/or confused, this is the perfect opportunity to cop a feel. However, the trick is to not get too excited or else your cover will be blown.
If it is so easy, why is this tip here? Well, it’s not all that simple. The thing is, you need to not make eye contact with the big guy while copping him a feel. Why? Adding eye contact screams “gay,” that’s why. It’s a win-win for both: the big guy gets comforted by a masculine touch while you get your jollies out of the situation.
Here’s Mr. Pacino showing how the deed is done. He’s not just not making eye contact, he’s also looking away from the big guy. It’s all about the hands.
Remember boys, practice makes bear-fect. WHOO-HA!
[Related Posts – John Goodman]
The very day I posted and asked about the burly Turkish bearish men from a Halls Candy commercial, a kind soul by the name of Michael emailed me screenshots from it! Even though I was searching for a video, I was more than willing to repay him for his generosity. Alas, he’s stubborn as a bull. -_^ Seriously, friend, thank you very much!
To me, this Halls commercial is 30 seconds of pure homo fantasy. Picture a dad skiing with his two kids. Suddenly, he suffers from a runny nose and starts coughing, thus ruining his children’s vacation. He then takes a Halls Candy (debatable if it’s truly a candy, but that argument is for a different blog). The vapor action goodness of the candy’s menthol eucalyptus whisks our daddy away to a Turkish bath and ends up seating between two burly Turkish men wearing only a towel. The burly men then educates the “little” dad how to inhale and exhale properly. And if you watch closely, the dad is overtly ecstatic about the whole metaphor-thing-coming-to-life business. His kids then disrupt him from his fantasy sequence as our daddy skis away with a big smirk on his face.
Well, okay, so it wasn’t all that homoerotic (plus I’m not sure if I had accurately remembered it), but you gotta admit that it’s a tad bit homo just by looking at the screenshots. And, also, why was he wearing pajamas in a spa? Note how his hands are clasped together while covering up, oh, I don’t know… MORNING WOOD???!!! Uh, yeah, sure…
Here are screenshots of your favorite chubby bear from Season 1 of The King Of Queens.
The first set is from a “Bonus Episode” titled “Assaulted Nuts”…
This next set is from the pilot episode…
This next set is from episode 2, “Fat City”…
This final set is from episode 7, “The Rock”…
[Related Posts – Kevin James]
Normally, on a sophomore effort such as a sequel or Season 2, the tone gets “darker” (for example: The Empire Strikes Back and Indiana Jones and the Temple of Doom). Well, such is the case for BearMythology Year 2. Lol. Let’s kick things off with today’s Two Woofy Tuesday theme of “Leading Chubby Bear In A Sitcom For 9 Seasons”: John Goodman from Roseanne or Kevin James from King Of Queens.
I will also be posting the winner next Wednesday instead of tomorrow.
Jasper and Justin had a discussion on John Goodman’s powerlifting regimen and massive arms. As a John Goodman fan, I was literally ashamed for not knowing anything about such a regimen (though I can attest to his massive arms). All I know is that I’m gonna worship the altar of John Goodman either he be a musclebear, musclechub, a chub, daddy bear, or a daddy chub.
In honor of John Goodman’s arms, above is a photo shoot with entertainment illustrator, Rick Law. Ah, that tanktop and that short shorts. Yabba Dabba Doo, indeed.
But that’s just a teaser of what’s to come. The following are finally better screenshots of that fantastic armpits scene of John Goodman from “Roseanne.”
And to complete the foreplay and venture to the actual game, here is the scene in its entirety:
Thank you, D.T., for sharing this gem with us!
My great friend, D.T., has posted another wonderful video clip. This time, it’s one of John Goodman from “Roseanne.” Here is his description:
From season 8 of Roseanne, in “The Getaway, Almost” Dan (played by John Goodman) gets the house all to himself while Roseanne and Jackie go on a shopping trip – or so he thinks.
I have to admit that these are the very scenes that I tend to look for. Sure, shirtless scenes and nudity are always nice to look at; but simple, everyday moments, such as a cute daddy bear like John Goodman acting all goofy and comfortable, are the ones that I tend to enjoy watching the most.
And to keep with the theme of Dan Conner being comfortable, here are some old collages of him wearing a tanktop (they’re not clear as I took the screenshots in the ye olde VHS days). D.T. has also shared the actual video clip of this tanktop scene with me. I’ll keep you guys posted when I upload this video.
1996. Is that even considered a “classic”? Anyway, Andrei Chemerkin (1996 Olympic Weightlifting Champion) was a massive Russian weightlifter that I had a major crush on. The photo above is quite possibly a popular and an iconic image, especially to his fans.
I’m not really sure what he’s doing now, so any info would be appreciated. And here are just some photos that I have collected or was shared with me from the past
[EDIT: I just learned that these photos came from the Andrei Chemerkin Unofficial Website. Visit it now as it has tons of photos of the spectacular Andrei Chemerkin.]
The following collage was from FilmBear’s Andrei Chemerkin’s Fan Page. As an added note, FilmBear also had fansites for John Goodman and Abraham Benrubi (but I can’t seem to access them, and if I could, I could not access the contents).
Their age might separate them by 16 years, but it’s interesting to discover how the world would create doppelgangers. Case in point: Paul Rae. When I first saw him, the first thing I thought was “Holy f*ckballs. He looks like John Goodman!”
Somewhere/sometime out there is/was someone who looks/looked like you, sounds/sounded like you, and acts/acted like you.
And such is our nature to make connections out of things, I will play my part and make connections between Paul Rae and John Goodman…
From House MD (Season 4, Episode 13)
Paul Rae – Born in New Orleans, Louisiana… Big, husky, and has a deep, booming voice.
John Goodman – A New Orleans, Louisiana resident… Big, husky, and has a deep, booming voice.
Paul Rae – Former “big, slow” defensive lineman for the LSU Tigers football team [source]
John Goodman – Played football in college. A big fan of LSU Tigers.
from Sea Of Love
Paul Rae – Played the stereotypical sympathetic “heavy” sidekick. Acted with Academy Award winner, Cuba Gooding, Jr., (who gave a relentless, tour de force performance in the 10 times Oscar-nominated dramatic opus, Daddy Day Camp).
John Goodman – Played the stereotypical sympathetic “heavy” sidekick. Acted with Academy Award winner, Al Pacino. (Actually, just a great opportunity to show Mr. Goodman in that sexy t-shirt.)
From House MD (Season 4, Episode 13)
from Sea Of Love
Paul Rae – Wears a v-neck shirt (with bonus glasses!).
John Goodman – Wears a v-neck shirt (not just another great opportunity, but it includes bonus nipplage and belly action!).
Well, okay, so I really did not have anything solid to compare as I could only work with the images that I do have. But one thing is fo sho’… Both John Goodman and Paul Rae are very handsome men.
I don’t really collect toys and action figures nowadays. However, seeing these toys for The Big Lebowski is making me want to have them. Man, they did a great job with John Goodman’s Walter Sobchak.
Fred Flintstone has always been one of my favorite bearish cartoon character. As a kid, I was completely in love with his blue-collarness (even though I had no concept as to what that meant) and childlike manliness. I guess he represents my version of a “dumb blonde” that some straight men tend to get attracted to.
Anyway, there’s something — for lack of a better word — sexy about seeing Fred Flintstone just chilling and smoking. I definitely have some sort of fetish with seeing bearish dudes smoking.
And here’s John Goodman as Fred Flintstone, chilling and drinking with his wifey. Gotta love the nip slip.
[Related Posts – John Goodman]
[Related Posts – Ray Winstone]
Look long and hard enough, you’ll find My Number One Bear wearing nothing but his full Father’s Day suit… -_^
If you are a member of the Brotherhood of Bears Yahoo Group and have recently seen a post by local superbear, Dirk, you will know exactly why I made this… -_^
Film industry insiders are very sure that No Country For Old Men will win Best Picture. Not that I disagree with their expertise, but I would only agree with them if There Will Be Blood was not nominated. As much as I love the Coens (I mean, “Barton Fink,” “Raising Arizona,” “The Big Lebowski,” come on!*), and as much I would love to see them win a Best Picture award, “There Will Be Blood” was just a great and powerful movie. Everything about that film was just memorable: the Kubrickian-inspired score, haunting cinematography, clinically-perfect direction, and unrivaled acting. One could argue that “No Country For Old Men” possess the same (minus the score), including the themes of greed, revenge, and evil. Anyway, I’ll be watching it tonight and will hope against hope that “There Will Be Blood” wins Best Picture. Why do I care? It’s just a popularity contest, ain’t it?
Anyway, here’s one of the nominees, Philip Seymour Hoffman, from a disturbing drama/comedy called Happiness. As an added note, another great film of 2007 was Before The Devil Knows You’re Dead. Not only was it a good film, but we get to see Mr. Hoffman doing Marisa Tomei, doggie-style. It then ends with a sex-weary but glowing Hoffman, revealing his wonderful right armpit. Oh yes, There Will Be Screenshots…
* Not to mention those Coen movies starred the ever woofy John Goodman…
[Related Posts – Philip Seymour Hoffman]
[Related Posts – John Goodman]
In celebration of Valentine’s Day, here’s a series of collages where John Goodman is getting hugged. That should be mandatory law. To hug John Goodman every Valentine’s Day.
Ah, Mr. Ray Winstone. He’s quite possibly my number one bear. It used to be James Gandolfini. Richard Karn before him. Then John Goodman. <sighs>
Anyway, I often wonder why I was so attracted to him. He’s not the typical bear I tend to get attracted to. What is it about him? His sexy voice? His oh-just-so-perfect gut? His penetrating eyes? His overwhelmingly husky and masculine face? His seeming cocky demeanor? (I love that in a bear!) Come to think of it, I guess I have illuminated my own ruminations.
The following is a collage from quite possibly the best movie evar!!11!!1! Sorry. It’s from a wonderful movie called Sexy Beast. Mr. Winstone’s actual physique should have been motion-captured in Beowulf (I’d take a well-rounded belly over a 6 pack abs) — or at least when Beowulf got older in the film.
[Related Posts – Ray Winstone]