Can someone correct me if I’m wrong? I believe that the cute chubby bear on the left is Tim Larson. He was the lead hero in a straight-to-DVD movie called 305 (check out the trailer here). I will post more about Mr. Larson in the near future.
Musclebear Heinz Ollesch won the poll when he was pitted against musclechub Phil Martin. I mentioned in the Woofy Winner Wednesday result that I was currently 0-for-3, so that meant that I would have voted for Mr. Phil Martin.
My body preference tend to lean towards the husky/chubbier types which was why I would have chosen Mr. Martin over the German Beast, Mr. Ollesch. However, Heinz is definitely a magnificent specimen and I’m not completely discounting him. I love Phil Martin a bit more because he is just so huggable! Also, I am completely attracted to his handsome face. Heinz has this brutish look while Phil has this approachable yet intimidating look that I just go nuts for. He also reminds me of this daddy bear actor, Bill Smitrovich:
In this edition of Goonday Moonday, all of the media here are from ads of some kind (courtesy of AdsOfTheWorld.com). I am still amazed to only find a handful of ads showing large men in flattering or the very least, respectful, ways. For example, the above ad appears to be a very respectable commercial. But look closely and pay attention to the product that’s being sold… Caught it? Good. Yes, we have another hefty man being used as an “humorous advertising device” (I made this term up).
Am I bitter at this common practice? Yes and no. Yes, since as we are all admirers of large men, we have a better grasp and understanding for men of such beautiful sizes. As such, we prefer to view our objects of affection in a much better light. And, no, because, in some ways, we feel like we belong in such an exclusive group that the rest of the world won’t ever understand. When we see such husky and chubby men in the media being ridiculed (whether it be inoffensively or no), we can’t help but grin as we know and feel something that is utterly and uniquely ours. Laugh all they want, but we get the last laugh as we partake in a celebratory visual feast.
Still, that doesn’t mean that we cannot change the world’s view on large men…
Anyway, here’s a pretty cool commercial about construction workers enjoying some fine afternoon dining with a Wendy’s Gourmet Mushroom Swiss Burger…
There’s really nothing “negative” about the above commercial. However, it inadvertently juxtaposes “macho” men with “queer” behavior. Basically, it sends a message that this ad is and should be funny because rugged men with facial hair should not be eloquent, polite, and, well, “queenie.” In turn, it also inadvertently compares gay folk with theatre-going (note my spelling of “theater”) English folk. -_^
From the rugged construction workers, we’ll now take a look at sumo wrestlers — who are, quite possibly, the most-used HAD (my acronym for my made-up term, “humorous advertising device”).
So why are sumo men funny? Why is their weight a great punchline for a joke? And why are they funnier when they’re wearing a tutu or about to celebrate gay love?
With those questions in mind, here’s a Men’s Health magazine ad…
First of all, BearMythology completely disagrees with the above ad. That unbelievably gorgeous image of a chubby bear not only has a body of a God, but someone I and many others will definitely worship. You know that ancient & mystical Sanskrit word of “OHM”? It was actually our female & gay bear/chub loving ancestors’ term to describe a buddha (not the slimmer Buddha, of course) when they see one walking on the streets. They would actually say, “Oh Holy Moley!” or “OHM!” (thus it was recorded the very first instance of internet slang).
Now let’s take a look at ads that are just using silhouettes of large men.
Admirers of stocky & large men are typically torn: healthwise, it’s better for such men to be “fit” rather than husky or obese. Unfortunately, we love them big. And, more often than not, to us, the bigger the better.
Well, that’s something that I cannot cover on a post that’s just called “Goonday Moonday.” It’s too complicated. 😛
And to end this post, here are more ads of our beautiful big men…
Okay, I lied. This is the last thing I’m going to say. I’m typically very open and forgiving, but I absolutely hate the following ad. Any ad that equates depression to obesity then sell a gym out of it is downright low and insulting. The chubby man needs to see mental help and not an aerobics instructor…
Alan Karaev is not only just an intensely handsome big bear of a man, he is also a Russian Sumo Wrestler as well as an MMA Fighter. That massive and bulky physique of his is every musclechub’s sweaty dream come true.
Jeremy Jankowski, the manager from Accounts Receivable, preferred to use a laptop with wireless internet connection rather than the reliable wired PC. Unfortunately, he can’t seem to connect to bearmythology, so he contacted the I.T. guys.
It was the 20th time he had called for I.T., so the 2 chubby handsome computer techs were (not surprisingly) very ticked off. Jeremy just wanted to see these Chubarama models for the 20th time. Jeremy remembered seeing sexy Kevin’s plumber’s crack as he reseated a printer cable that magically unplugged itself. Also, he vividly remembered Adam’s belly sticking out while he rerouted some computer cables to meet OSHA standards. Ah, yes, Jeremy knew how to work it…
Unfortunately, Kevin and Adam have had enough. They’ve worked so hard to earn their MCSE and they couldn’t believe that they’re still stuck doing regular I.T. work. So, both Kevin and Adam removed their shirts then duct taped each of Jeremy’s laptops on their sexy chubby bodies. (That is so bearotic, Jeremy thought to himself.)
The rest of this tale can be seen here:
Seriously, this was an old scan I got from some old magazine I got when I wasn’t old. How’s that for accurate reporting? Anyway, I labeled the scan as “DejaCom-HiTechSumo” so I’m guessing it was related to Deja.com… I then googled it and found out that Google has bought that company. Awesome irony.