Category Archives: Games

Britain Spellings: Video Game Reunion

My good buddy, GE, informed me about this Atom.com‘s exclusive comedy webseries called Video Game Reunion.  Here’s the official site’s synopsis:

Desperate to reboot their failed careers, the once-great video game heroes of the 1980s are coming back together… for a reunion. Go behind the scenes into the sordid lives of Mario, Mega Man, and their gang of 8-bit misfits in a live-action parody that answers the question, ‘Where are they now?’

I checked out the trailer, and I was very amused.  I will definitely be checking it out, starting on March 8, 2011.

More importantly, I highly approve of the casting of Britain Spellings as Mario… [KEEP ON WOOFIN’!]

MMA Fighter Roy Nelson Is Downloadable

Seriously, wouldn’t that be amazing?  Who wouldn’t want to have a “Weird Science” world where we could just “download” any (and all) of our bear/chub/daddy fantasies in physical form?  Though it might not be a reality, video games are acceptable substitutions as CG graphics are quickly becoming realistic as possible… [KEEP ON WOOFIN’!]

Russell Hantz: The Tale Of Two Russells

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Some of my buddies would tell me that Survivor is “scripted”; and whether this is true or not, Episode 6 packed an emotional punch.

This episode was very Dickensian in scope where we get a parallel between the two “Muscle Russells” (I’ve been meaning to say that, so there).  Both Russells pushed their bodies to the limit while their teammates relaxed and hid away from the rain.  But, in the end, Russell Swan’s body gave up on him.  It’s pretty chilling foreshadowing when Russell Hantz said:

Don’t stop until you throw up, you pass out, something.  If you don’t throw up after every fricking challenge, you didn’t do your job.  That’s how I think of it.

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It was definitely a big scare to see Russell Swan go down that way.  But in relation to the game, it was a big hit for Galu but a bigger break for Foa Foa.  During the Tribal Council, our two opposing tribe members with their own hidden immunity idols (Russell and Erik) butted head-to-head and somewhat marked their territory.  Erik has always been Russell Swan’s “yes man,” and with his high confidence for having an immunity idol, he decided to stand in the limelight and challenge what Russell Hantz said about his tribe getting a moral victory (from their challenge earlier for which they were winning in).  Ah, Erik, bad, bad move…  (Erik actually irritates me a little bit and it must be because of his non-stop flailing hand gestures.)

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"Ebony and ivory, live together in perfect harmony"

Let me end with these images which prove precisely why Russell Hantz has the perfectly sculpted physique of a herculean god…

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Finally, let me actually end with these erotically-charged screenshots.  Thank you very much, CBS!  Thank you…

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Russell Hantz: The Thin Ice

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I apologize for the lateness of my Russell Hantz posts.  (My computer was down, but it’s now back up and running Windows 7 — which is actually a pretty good operating system, so far.)  Anyway, better late than never.  Let’s start off with Episode 5…

Just in case you’ve missed it: the grey boxer briefs has returned!  Hooray!

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In this episode, Russell was portrayed in a much more “slimier” light (if that’s even possible).  It’s pretty amazing that Liz was the only one who even suspected Russell for having the hidden immunity idol.  Perhaps it’s buried within the show’s editing floor, but Liz’s suspicion did not require genius detective skills since Russell was underneath that tree right in front of them from the previous episodes!  Anyway, Russell got in to his defensive mode by threatening Liz.  Being a male chauvinist gay guy, I felt a chill up my spine seeing a large male threaten this fragile lady.  It was just not right.  I think Russell just exposed himself by getting too angry and defensive.  I felt also ashamed as he scurried off like a girl while he watched Jaison walk towards them.  I must say that it wasn’t Russell’s finest moment.

Here are some screenshots of Russell telling Liz that she’s walking on thin ice.  Strap on some comfortable ice skating shoes, Liz…

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When Ashley was voted off, my heart was shattered.  She was genuinely one of the nicest person in the game.  The betrayal of her friend, Natalie, really got to me for some reason.  The scene where Natalie was comforting Ashley for losing the reward challenge for them was heartbreaking and made me realize that Natalie is a (passive) force to be reckon with.  And during the Tribal Council, you can tell that Ashley felt that she at least had Natalie and Russell on her side.  And by being voted off unanimously, I can’t imagine what she felt at that moment.

And as far as Shambo is concerned: man, she just has no concept as to what this game is about.  She is the complete antithesis of Russell which is probably why I want them to go to the Final Two.  Good job, Shambo.  Let’s go and share the clue to everyone… from the other tribe!  Yes you share a kinship with them, but, man, that’s either the smartest or dumbest move.  The more I think about it, it’s probably the smartest move she has ever inadvertently done so far.

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Russell Hantz: The Natalie Alliance

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Yes!  Russell Hantz‘s tribe, Foa Foa, finally got an immunity win.  I can’t believe that I’m getting way too hooked in to this show…

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When I talked about Jaison’s “whiny bitching” from last week’s episode, I was not belittling his emotion over the “racially insensitive comments” (debatable, in my opinion).  The fact is, Jaison was more affected by it than Yasmin even though that “insult” was directed at her.  If it really bothered him, he should have been the “white knight in shining armor” (oops, am I being racist?) and interrupted the argument between Ben and Yasmin.  Instead, he hid in the shadows, internalized the “insult” and made it as a personal affront towards him.

As Tallahassee would say in one of my favorite films of this year: “Nut up or shut up.”

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As you’ll hear from the first part of this video, Russell says this: “Jaison was really upset with Ben.  He took things very personal.  I really think that if Ben would have stayed, Jaison would have quit the game.  Now, what kind of man is that?”

I am in complete agreement with Russell.  Speaking of Zombieland, I’d probably be one of the faithful acolytes to blindly follow someone like Russell in a post-apocalyptic landscape.  Archetypes like Russell are the ones who will truly help you out in any kind of apocalypse — just as long as you don’t cross them…  Being led by a Jaison will lead to something like this:

ME: Jaison, look at that zombie trash!

JAISON: You are so ignorant.  You have no concept of their past history and how they have been portrayed as evil by the whole living human race!  Why do you purposely have to say spiteful and hateful words?

Russell, on the other hand, would just kick the living crap out of the zombies.  But maybe that’s just me romanticizing this sneaky SOB.  😉

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Anyway, I’m possibly overanalyzing Russell, but his usage of the word “hope” is very calculated.  As in, Barack Obama-calculated.  Devious, Russell.  Devious.

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So Russell’s on to his next strategy: dump his allegiance with Jaison and forge a new one with one of his “dumb ass girls,” Natalie.  Russell is definitely crude and insensitive with his comments, but are people forgetting that this game is called “Survivor”?  Hell, if you placed Satan and Jesus on the island, guess who’ll win?  Well, Jesus will probably win considering he has unlimited immunity since he cannot die at all.  Come to think of it, who’s the sneakiest of the two then?  -_^

Anyway, so what’s great about the scene between Natalie and Russell?  Ah, pictures speak louder than words…

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Hey! Am I simply just a piece of thick, luscious piece of delicious Grade-A beef to you?

No, sir, Mr. Hantz, sir.  You are also beyond handsome with that pretty face, devilish smile, and mesmerizing eyes…

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Anyway, not Russell-related, but I gotta comment on my other favorite, Shambo…

Damn, Sham!  You were beyond horrible this time around.  You mean well, yet things just don’t seem to go your way.  And, really, I’ve lost some love for you the way you handled the two chickens…

Shambo Choking The Chickens

My love actually got transferred to Natalie now as at least she knew how to humanely carry an animal.  I then started laughing at your comments of chickens requiring fresh water and at your hilarious “chicken-talk” to calm them down.  Seriously, I’m surprised they even survived your mishandling of them.  And it wasn’t even a surprise that one of the chickens flew away.  The funnier part is that the chicken who flew away was the chicken whose poor wings you manhandled…  But despite of that, I still want to see more of you, Shambo.  Just be kinder to the animals, m’kay?

Shambo and Natalie with chickens

And, by the way, I’m starting to develop some interest in the other Russell…

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And, wow, I’m surprised that the other Russell actually voted for his princess, Yasmine.  Didn’t see that one coming…

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Russell Hantz: “The Russell Seed”

A little bit busy today so I don’t have any Russell Hantz screenshots from last night’s episode of Survivor: Samoa.  But here is practically all of his delicious scenes from last night…  (It’s unfortunate that he doesn’t have his gray boxer briefs anymore.)

Alright, alright, here's a rear shot from last week's episode... ;)
Alright, alright, here's a rear shot from last week's episode... 😉

To those who have been watching the show, I would  like to have a discussion with the decision to vote Ben out instead of Ashley…

My opinion?  Ben was the right person to be voted out; however, he was voted out for the wrong reason.  He was voted out simply because of the “ghetto trash” comment he made at Yasmin from the second episode.  Ben is definitely a jerk of all spades, but he was verbally abused by Yasmin who was aggressive and rude from the get-go.  She had it coming, Ben got defensive and blurted out a term to hurt her, then the “race card” was used by Jaison to ridiculous levels.

Russell was pretty much overpowered by Jaison as it’s very dangerous waters to tread on a sensitive issue.  I personally found it a bit humorous to get all bent out of shape to bring up racism and discrimination in a “survival of the fittest/wiliest/etc”-type of game then play up the sympathy card for someone using the term “ghetto trash.”

How about you win the game now simply because you are a minority?

Though “ghetto trash” might not be the best of thing to say, I’m sure if Yasmin called him “white trash,” there won’t be any backlash against her.  I’m just getting sick and tired of the hypocrisy that we live through every day.  One racism or any “ism” is better over the other simply because of their “history” (a comment that Jaison made boldly known at Tribal Council).

Anyway, I’m a bit peeved off because Russell’s plan was overpowered by Jaison’s “whiny bitching” (yes, I went there).  Nevertheless, the show’s getting a lot more interesting with this turn of events.  I just hope Russell makes it all the way… with Shambo, of course…

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Michael Van Ostade: “Cloverbrawl”

Michael Van Ostade Cloverbrawl

Now this is just awesome.  A couple of young lads have created this amazing video called “Cloverbrawl.”  As a video game geek, I was all over this two-part video.  Every game character, items, motifs that show up just made me giddy like a little girl.  These guys are gamers and this video is just a totally spectacular tribute.  I really hope that they make a series out of it.

And as a bonus, there’s an uber-cute chubby bear in it named Michael Van Ostade.  And for the Chubarama fans out there, make sure to check out his younger brother (I think?), Andrew Van Ostade.  He has videos of being a Fat Ninja and as a Fat Dancer.

Anyway, it’s unfortunate that Michael did not survive long enough to make it to part 2, but the overall film is still downright entertaining.

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Russell Hantz: The Puppet Master Of “Survivor: Samoa”

Russell Hantz Survivor Samoa

The only time I would watch Survivor is if there’s a bearish guy in the cast (such as Rupert Boneham, Judd Sergeant, Tom Buchanan, and Billy Garcia).  Thanks to Brunobear, I was informed that a brutish bull was in the show.  Ever the skeptic, I then investigated the CBS.com link Brunobear shared with me.  Needless to say, I was instantly convinced and immediately fell in love with this short and thick musclebear, Russell Hantz.  He totally reminds me of a smaller version of pro-wrestler, Bulldog Raines, and especially Gerard Benderoth, which is a bonus in my book.

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So I watched the first episode and, by golly, he’s a slimy, conniving, dirty rotten scoundrel.  In other words, I freaking love him!  CBS touted him as the “biggest villain in Survivor history” and they were not kidding.  He stole this season’s opener with his treacherous tactics, misogynistic and un-PC comments, and his unbelievably spectacular beefy body.  Best part?  He’s shirtless in most of his scenes, wearing only his sweat-stained and dirty loose boxer briefs.  It’s also crazy to know that this man is a 36 year-old multi-millionaire and that he’s only in the game to prove just how easy it is to win it.  What a freaking character!  I hope that this evil bullgoon goes all the way to the end.  (Though I must add that I somewhat want to see Shambo — the lady with the “3-pound mullet” — reach the end as well.)

Here’s a short clip as to how diabolical and dastardly this stunning musclegoon can get…

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Bears In Games: “Legends Of Wrestlemania”

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I grew up with these bearish behemoths — in more ways than one…

Koobert from Bears In Games has a threesome of great videos about bearish men in sports-themed video games (check out Bears In Games’ YouTube Page).  The one I’d like to highlight today is Legends Of Wrestlemania.

It’s pretty cool that even when Koobert designed a very obvious gay-looking character, his online opponents would not harass him nor negatively criticize the flamboyant look of his wrestler.  I found that interesting as pro-wrestling fans tend to get an image of being extremely homophobic.  Unfortunately, we find our homophobic brethren in video games like Halo.  I actually watched my co-worker’s 14-year-old son spew insults like “Fucking fag that is so fucking gay you’re gonna get it fucked up in your fucking fag gay ass” in Halo 3.  Ah, to be 14…

Pro-wrestling, especially WWF in the ’80s and ’90s, was my source of a “different type” of entertainment.  It was a world where half-naked burly men role-played a character, as they sweated and wrestled away.  I had a personal attraction towards wrestlers who were cocky, arrogant, and just plain villainous (check out my Sonny Roselli post).  If you looked at the wrestling roster on the above image, I only have about three “good guys” (or “faces”).  But then again, they were also at one point villains prior to WWF.  I guess I just love “bad bears” (I was so angry when I rented The Bad News Bears in Betamax).  Anyway, I feel that today’s pro-wrestling does not have the same mystique that these bearish wrestlers provided back in the day.  There was a rawness and realness to the theatrics that they used to entertain us.  It’s probably still out there since I viewed pro-wrestling a bit differently as a child, teenager, and heck, as an adult in my early 20’s.

Anyway, if you like these bearish pro-wrestlers, SDW Media is the source for all classic pro-wrestling videos (you can read more on my write-up about that company here).

Finally, let me end with an Arn Anderson entrance video from Legends Of Wrestlemania as well as a high-res image of Big John Studd.  Yes, if you look at the collage again, they are my top two professional wrestlers of all-time.

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Digitized Chubby Bear Fighter Coming Soon To Your Local Arcades

Titan of Dark Presence

Game Set Watch has an update on a game that I’ve been following for the past two years: Dark Presence.  First of all, when this game was announced, many gamers quickly ridiculed the non-intimidating-looking actors (check out Destructoid‘s biting impressions).  Who can really blame them?  The costumes look cheap and the weapons appear to be plastic toys.  Also, such screenshots appear to be behind-the-scenes exclusives for a digitized fighting game in 1990…

However, with my initial impressions out of the way, remember when I talked about a crappy Full-Motion-Video Game called Urban Runner?  Remember when I said this?: “Sometimes crappy games become better when adding woofy bears.” Heck, I haven’t seen a single video footage for Dark Presence, but I have already given a thumbs up for the game since the actor playing Titan is just freaking woofy.

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My quarters are primed and ready to play this supremely hot chubby bear biker with his massive skull-&-spine battle-axe.

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And with my [BearBeat] fetish, looks like my fantasies of controlling a character to beat up on a realistic big bear in glorious 1080p and 15,000 frames of animation goodness are finally coming true.  I mean, come on.  Check out that kick to the massive man’s gut on the above photo.  I just hope that the grunting sounds are awesome too.  (I know, I know, I’m a sick, sick man.)  Also, I hope that one of the game’s fatality moves is called “Striptality”…

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The game is not even out and they already have a sequel for it called Conquering Light.  Titan is not in it, though there is a semi-shirtless daddy bear in his place.  Anyway, Destructoid has a screenshot of that daddy bear (called “Grant”) and he’s also definitely a woofer.

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Anyway, this old school arcade “revitality” (get it? *groans*) reminded me of the countless tokens I had dropped on Pit Fighter (even bought an Atari Lynx for this fabulous — lol — game).  Though Buzz was my favorite Pit Fighter, the very first bad guy you fight (who happened to be a tanned, sweaty, & smooth musclebear) was THE main reason I loved the game.  Here he is.  The one.  The only.  The Executioner…

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While searching for those Executioner screenshots, I wanna give a shout out to Google for providing me with this Executioner photo…  OH WOW!

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I Love Bears And I Love Games, And Holy Crap, Wow, It’s The Amazing “Bears In Games” Podcast!

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My jaws literally dropped when I saw a new blog called Bears In Games hosted by Koobert.  I scarfed through all of the 4 podcasts he currently has and they were all freaking fantastic.  If you’re a “gaymer,” whether a casual or hardcore one, you should definitely check out this wonderful podcast.  Koobert is an awesome host with a great sense of humor.  You literally feel like he’s talking right beside you.  And his taste in bears, from chubby bears to muscle bears, is just my cup of tea.  What are you guys waiting for?  Check it out already! This is definitely a monumental FIRST! for us gamers and bear lovers, and we need to support Koobert.

bearsingames-saintsrow-01His very first podcast was about Saints Row 2,
a game that I have once posted about here

In his pocasts, I have learned about the surprising Tom of Finland homosexual subtexts with Final Fight and have witnessed a homophobic douchebag disconnecting his XBOX Live connection after getting pummeled by Koobert’s underwear-wearing musclebear in Soul Calibur IV.  I literally jumped out of my chair as I witnessed the homophobe’s humiliating defeat.  Awesome job, Koobert!

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Tim Schafer: Game Bear & Game God

Chubarama posted about Jack Black hosting the Spike TV’s 2008 Video Game Awards a few days ago and we were treated to such fantastic bear and chub goodness from Jack Black and fellow Tenacious D rocker, Kyle Gass.  What made the show for me though was the appearance of my personal Game God, Tim Schafer.

He appeared to promote his upcoming game, Brutal Legend.  The big bonus was that the voice of his game’s protagonist is none other than Jack Black!  JB might have done an overkill with pimping Tim “Fucking” Schafer, but I don’t mind.  He’s a superstar in my books as I’m an avid adventure gamer (read: point-and-click adventure games or Interactive Fiction) while he’s responsible for some of my favorite adventure games of all time, such as The Secret Of Monkey Island and Day Of The Tentacle.


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PC Gamer magazine back in 2001 did an article called “Game Gods.”  Tim Schafer was in it and believe me, I bought two copies of the magazine so that I could have one as a collector’s item while the other one got torn so that I could scan them.  And here they be…  And JB’s right.  This is the one and only Tim “Fucking” Schafer…

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And if you were wondering who the handsome bearded chubby bear is on the right, then I am very glad that you were.  He is none other than Erik Yeo, lead designer of the original Command & Conquer.

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Not Quite Sure What’s Going On With All The Violence On Display, But, Damn, That Big Bear In His Underwear Sure Is Woofy

I’ve always wanted to post the longest title I could think of.

This is a recent screenshot from Saints Row 2, a game which I’m pretty excited about as I’m a sucker for open-world, crime-simulated gameplay (such as games like Grand Theft Auto IV).  And, yes, Roman Bellic, is still one of the hottest video game bears, in my opinion.

Anyway, this particular character from Saints Row 2 is a musclebear who’s distracting me from voting Roman as the pixellated hotness of 2008.

Damn.  Anyway, you can download the above artwork in wallpaper form here.

The Big Lebowski Toys: OMG. Dude. Want.

I don’t really collect toys and action figures nowadays.  However, seeing these toys for The Big Lebowski is making me want to have them.  Man, they did a great job with John Goodman’s Walter Sobchak.

Anyway, this exaggerated version of our very loveable John Goodman reminds me of a character in an adventure game called, Runaway.

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Reese Hoffa: Of Rubik’s Cube And Awesome Cuteness

These photos of the super woofy shotputter, Reese Hoffa, are just way too cute for words.  Awww…

Wait.  It gets better.  Here is a video of him solving the Rubik’s Cube…  So what makes it even better?  He’s wearing an “It’s A Liger” t-shirt.  LOVE.  (Or should I say “Pretty much my favorite animal”?)

Here’s a great Wired.com article on my favorite shotputter and how he loves to skateboard and play video games.  Surprisingly, he loves the Metal Gear Solid Games.  Wow!  Is it possible for me to fall in love with him even more?  Apparently so!  ^_^

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Diablo III Barbarian & My Neverwinter Nights Daddy Bear

Blizzard has finally listened to my 1 billion emails to create a Daddy Bearbarian for Diablo III.  Lol, just kidding.  Maybe 926,890,476 emails.

Also, check out my Neverwinter Nights’ customized character.  He’s a beefier bearish warrior than the Diablo III’s barbarian, but they do share some similarities of sorts.  Someone at Blizzard’s gotta love them silver daddy bears!  -_^


Unlike the Barbarian, my daddy bear warrior sports a tribal tattoo on the chest!

Roman Bellic: Grand Theft Auto IV

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Ah, yes, once Grand Theft Auto IV comes out on April 29, I will disappear from this world.  I might also get fired from work.  Lol.  I just love this game and I literally have a sick addiction with the whole GTA III Series (and, yes, I have a pimped out shirtless fat CJ running around Los Santos in GTA III: San Andreas).

So, I basically do whatever compulsive-obsessive video game-addicted man-child would do: read and watch everything I could on Rockstar’s highly-anticipated game of the year.  Really, the only improvement I want to see is better weapons handling (if it’s like “Gears Of War” then that would be just awesome).

Anyway, somebody call me a therapist because I am attracted to Nico Bellic’s cousin, Roman Bellic.  He just looks like a fun character who I know I’m going to fall in love with.

Harold Sakata: Oddjob Gets Powerfully Sick

I’m going through my second cold/flu for the past 2 months now and it’s not fun.  At.  All.*

Here is Oddjob (from Goldfinger) with his Oscar-winning portrayal of a strong man suffering from a terrible coughing affliction:


If I was one of those kids groping Mr. Oddjob’s massive bicep,
I probably won’t grow up to be gay.  No sir.  No way.

* Luckily, I have Professor Layton & The Curious Village on the Nintendo DS to entertain me.  One of the best adventure/puzzle games of 2008, in my opinion.  Ow, my head.

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Three of the cute bearish caricatures in the game.
The artwork reminds me of The Triplets of Belleville.

“Urban Runner”: Sometimes Crappy Games Become Better When Adding Woofy Bears

I have a confession to make.  I love crappy games.  By “crappy,” I mean like seriously bad games.  I’m an adventure gamer and normally, by its very nature, it means that I’m a very forgiving video game critic.  I grew up on and adored the point-and-click adventure games of yore.  My favorite, by far, is the Gabriel Knight series.  To this day, I would replay them from beginning to end.  Though that game is far from “crappy,” I have played my share of really horrible adventure games.  One of them was Sierra’s “Urban Runner” — a Full Motion Video game in 1996.  It was so advanced at the time that most people did not have a good enough computer to play the darn thing.

Regardless, I loved that game.  It’s actually not bad, but then again, I’m not a good judge for this game genre.  Still, what’s a big bonus about this game was the inclusion of a mohawked thug/assassin named “Eraser.”  This is where it gets better: in the game, Eraser is in your character’s apartment and to knock him over, you … kick a red rubber ball to his head.  That deserves a big fat LOL…  And, oh yeah, the bonus: Eraser’s a big chubby bear…

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Anyway, I managed to screen capture Eraser’s shameful fall and his eventual badly-acted interrogation scene.  I only wished that my character over-emoted to the point that he ripped off Mr. Eraser’s tanktop.  That would have been sweet.

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