The very day I posted and asked about the burly Turkish bearish men from a Halls Candy commercial, a kind soul by the name of Michael emailed me screenshots from it! Even though I was searching for a video, I was more than willing to repay him for his generosity. Alas, he’s stubborn as a bull. -_^ Seriously, friend, thank you very much!
To me, this Halls commercial is 30 seconds of pure homo fantasy. Picture a dad skiing with his two kids. Suddenly, he suffers from a runny nose and starts coughing, thus ruining his children’s vacation. He then takes a Halls Candy (debatable if it’s truly a candy, but that argument is for a different blog). The vapor action goodness of the candy’s menthol eucalyptus whisks our daddy away to a Turkish bath and ends up seating between two burly Turkish men wearing only a towel. The burly men then educates the “little” dad how to inhale and exhale properly. And if you watch closely, the dad is overtly ecstatic about the whole metaphor-thing-coming-to-life business. His kids then disrupt him from his fantasy sequence as our daddy skis away with a big smirk on his face.
Well, okay, so it wasn’t all that homoerotic (plus I’m not sure if I had accurately remembered it), but you gotta admit that it’s a tad bit homo just by looking at the screenshots. And, also, why was he wearing pajamas in a spa? Note how his hands are clasped together while covering up, oh, I don’t know… MORNING WOOD???!!! Uh, yeah, sure…
I have no clue who they are; so I’ll hereby baptize the bearded, unibrow wonder
as Brian Blessed, while the other as Speed Racer’s dad, John Goodman.
Back in the day, I would randomly channel surf the television while I had a blank VHS tape in my VCR. This VCR would then be on “Pause/Record” so that I could just hit “Pause” again with my remote control so that I could somewhat instantly record a “bearish” guy that shows up on the boob tube. One of the annoyances of said VCR is that it automatically un-paused itself if I did not hit “Pause” within 5 minutes or so. So, I’d be constantly hitting the freaking “Pause” button every 1 minute so that I won’t experience a “recording delay” common to VCRs. You might be asking, “Hey, Will, what is this recording delay“? Well, my DVR-spoiled brethren, there’s a margin of error of about 5 seconds before you truly began recording on a VCR. And since I was always searching and waiting for “money shots” of our bearish kin, those 5 seconds are utterly crucial.
“Crucial”? You might be laughing at such silliness, but take this precautionary tale to heart: I was enjoying an episode of DangerMouse on Nickelodeon when the VCR “timed out” and un-paused itself. Suddenly, without any warning, that Halls Candy commercial with the two hairy, large, and beefy Turkish bears in a bath and only wearing a towel showed up while my Cheetos-encrusted fingers could not find the remote control’s “Pause” button in time. And by the time I hit “Pause,” it was all too late. All I recorded was the final 4 seconds of the commercial where I could only see the Halls Candy. To this day, I’ve hunted for this commercial far and wide and I have been wholly unsuccessful. This Halls Commercial is my Moby Dick…
Well, back on topic, that’s just an extra back story for my blurry collage of that big black musclebear bartender wearing a white wifebeater in a 112 music video titled, Anywhere. There was a time in my life when I just watched music videos on MTV, VH-1, CMT, and BET. That above collage are screenshots from my BET music video watching days.
1:35 | 1:42 | 1:48 | 1:54 | 2:01 | 2:19 | 2:32 | 3:38
(exact times you see the bartender)… lol
So if there is anybody out there who knows where we can view this Halls Commercial, I will be deeply grateful and I will send you a reward. I’m not kidding. Trust me on this, it will be a fairly great reward…
Thanks to Warobaz from my previous post, I have a name for this amazingly big bear of a man from the film OSS 117: Le Caire nid d’espions: Jean-Marie Paris. I remember my jaw dropping to the floor when this massive man appeared on-screen. Simply a gorgeous specimen of a brutish beauty.
Anyway, I was wondering if there’s anybody out there who knows who this woofy daddy bear is in a Turkish Bath (I’m also guessing that it’s at a Turkish Bath)?
Also, this is Part 1 of my Shirtless Saturday. Unfortunately, I’m going to cheat and post my Part 2 on Sunday. To those who have seen this movie, you guys already know just who it is exactly I am going to post next… ^_^