Nonso Anozie: Woofy Black Bear Needs Help

I just got this email today:

FROM: Dr Altaka Yurmani

Central Bank of Nigeria

Lagos, Nigeria

01-658-21-2658

Get Me Out of Here!

 

Col. Nonso Anozie in Nigeria sends you an email claiming that the Nigerian government was just overturned.  He is presently under house arrest and his assets have been frozen by the new regime.  He needs to transfer a total sum of US$60M to an offshore non-resident bank account.

In order for him to do so he needs you to sign a document as “next to kin” and pay $200 a day to ensure his safety until the funds can be wire-transferred to your account.  To avoid any interruption he needs a “small” advancement fee (approximately 30 days worth) until the wire transfer is completed.

He claims that upon completion of the wire transfer to you, he will somehow find a way to escape Nigeria and move in with you to do whatever you want with him.  You will also be entitled to 10%, or $6 million, for your troubles.  He insists that as this is a life or death matter the entire transaction must be completed within two weeks.  And heaven forbid he should be killed, leaving you with all the money.  He provides you with a fax copy of the Bilateral Agreement between himself and the Securities Investor Protection Corporation in Johannesburg, South Africa and some other qualifying affidavits.

Look, I know that there’s a lot of scams out there, but with my intellect I can easily tell that this is not a scam at all.  I’m on my way to send my money to Western Union (because they also provide services to Colonels who are under house arrests)…

Seriously, those are photos of the woofy and handsome Nonso Anozie in a theatre production of “Othello.”  He has more photos from the film The Last Legion on this link (but it’s a bit spoilerific, so don’t check it out if you plan on watching the movie).  He is extremely cute and he reminds me of a chubbier Robert “The Tractor” Traylor…