Tag Archives: cop

[BearFic] “Insert Dirty Title Here” (Stephen Lee)

[The following screenshots of Stephen Lee are from Robocop 2.  Yes, this is a BearFic.  And, yes, it is very pathetic.  But the photos look so lonely by themselves that I just gotta do a bit of an ad-libbed fiction…]

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Insert Dirty Title Here
-Stephen Lee BearFic-

Okay, so I’m a dirty cop.  Sue me.  Find me a clean one, and I’ll know yer lyin’.  Ain’t no clean cops around here no more.  Even the laundromats use coke as detergents in this forsaken city.

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And so what if I shoot concentrated Seduction7?  Got nothing to be happy for in this goddamn hellhole.  Plus, everyone’s doing it.  And it don’t matter that I’m wearing a pig uniform.  I always get the best seat in the strip joints.  Not to mention unlimited lap dances.  Just one of them perks but it’s nothing compared to the shit that goes on in this town.

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You know how bad this city’s become?  Listen, we gots robots doing our jobs for us.  You believe that?  Robots.  I don’t know who’s crazier — me or the loony dumbasses who thought this one up.  These robots…  I don’t like ’em.  They really fucking do their jobs……

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I was just at the arcades playing “Ikari Warriors” ™ when one of them freaking robot grabbed my neck.  He saw me buy some S7 from some punk kid of this district’s local gang.  Shoulda been more careful.  They got them supersonic vision shit.  Shit!

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Sonovabitch.  Damn freak almost cracked my ribcage.  Whoever the hell programmed this bastard is one sick fuck.  I feel like some lardass elephant sat on my chest.

StephenLee018“You are under arrest, Officer Dante.  Where are the drugs and who is the drug dealer?  Cooperation is your only option.”

What did he think?  I’m gonna tell him?  I know my rights, I — oof!…..

“Okay okay okay…..  Lester Freeman.  I got the drugs from Lester Freeman.  Freaking drugs behind that “Ikari Warriors” ™.  Thought you got some superhuman vision assho — OW!”

Damn metalhead’s gonna kill me.  And, aw. shit, Lester’s goons gonna get me too…..

It’s funny how the pigs get a handful of free passes from these robots.  Either the slammer’s filled or they’re running out of recruits.  For God’s sakes, that’s the least of my worries.  I’m a dead man.

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Well, it’s gotta end sooner or later.  So here I am in some cliched deserted building.  I remember being gagged while I was on my way to the hospital.  I knew it was Lester’s goons…..

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Ironic that on my final moments, I’m wrapped around with clean sheets.  Jezus, clean freakin’ sheets.  Guess I deserve this.

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I just hope that this goofy doc’s scalpel does its job freaking quick…..

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* * * * *

“…and in other news, notorious gang leader, Lester Freeman, was found dead four days ago from lethal poisoning.  Sources are unclear as to how Freeman and thirty-three other people, currently being associated with Freeman’s Double Dragon Gang, died from what forensics have been referring to a ‘mysterious airborne toxin.’  Channel 1990 will keep you up-to-date with any latest update on this news as it unfolds…  Now here’s a word from our sponsor…

‘Are you sick and tired of drinking your favorite soda with a straw?  Are you sick and tired of lifting your frosty caffeinated beverage with your hand?  Relax and worry no longer!  Discover the Inject-A-Drink ™!  One needle to your tongue and you’ll experience long-lasting paradise with any concentrated drink of your choice…”

Jesus, so Lester’s human after all.  Good night, sweet prick.

StephenLee005

Well, not a big loss anyway.  There are more rival gangs here than I could care to count.  Ah, speaking of which, time to enjoy some of this sweet, sweet S7, thanks to that Brazilian bonehead, Reinaldo.

Goonday Moonday: Dan Lauria & Michael Roberds In “Alien Trespass”

The trailer for Alien Trespass caught me by surprise as it’s definitely a type of film that I’d be watching on opening day.  And by goodness gracious golly gee, Dan Lauria appears as the cliched skeptical Sheriff.  What better way than to post some Dan Lauria photos as a woofy officer of the law for Goonday Moonday?…

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I also want to plug in one of my all-time favorite guilty pleasures: The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra.  It just reminded me of Alien Trespass and there is actually a sequel for The Lost Skeleton Of Cadavra!: The Lost Skeleton Returns Again.  And you know why I’m plugging this film in?  Well, it’s because there’s a woofy bear in it, that’s why!  If you have seen this film, you have already probably said Brian Howe, and by golly, you are right!  So let me interrupt with a Brian Howe publicity interview from Journeyman.

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And now we’re back with more of daddy goon extraordinaire, Dan Lauria…

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michael-roberdsMichael Roberds plays “Bubba” in the film;
I first discovered him as Fester from The New Addams Family.

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alien-trespass-02I guess this photo is quite spoilerific, but, hey, it’s in the trailer!

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Keith Hudson as Fat Cop: “Sex Drive”

The other woofy bear in the upcoming film, Sex Drive, is Keith Hudson.  The name of his character is the simply-stated “Fat Cop.”  Definitely check out the trailer as this scene with Mr. Hudson is just freaking hilarious.

Damn.  Oh man.  That uniform.  That husky frame.  That thick moustache.  That belly.  Ah, this bear is definitely a bear cop of my dreams…  A definite bullgoon

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Seth Rogen Vs. The MPAA

At CHUD, I just read about Seth Rogen having some rating issues with his upcoming film, Zack and Miri Make a Porno.  It’s a shame that the MPAA is still hypocritical with their supposedly fair and balanced ratings of violence and sex in the movies.

*caveman voice* Violence goooood, sex baaaaad! *caveman voice*

Anyway, head over on to MTV for a quick clip of Mr. Rogen’s colorful opinions on the MPAA.

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